It’s quite possible that you’ve received invitations to multiple Taylor Swift-themed birthday parties this year. Taylor Swift’s widespread appeal spans across generations, making her a favorite among not only adults but also children. As a millennial mom who’s been a devoted fan of Swift for a long time, I’ve noticed that even my 5-year-old twins, along with their friends, share the same enthusiasm for the singer as I do.
Given Swift’s immense popularity, it’s not uncommon for people to expect my daughter to be a fan. However, when I mention that my son also loves Swift and enthusiastically dances to “Ready For It?”—that’s when reactions tend to vary.
So, it wasn’t surprising when I came across a TikTok video by Jolene Dolo (@jolenedolo), which narrates another parent’s response to Dolo organizing a Taylor Swift-themed birthday party for her son at his request.
“In the TikTok,” Dolo shares, “My son is having a Taylor Swift birthday party and yesterday I received a text message from a parent of a child who was invited letting us know that their child will not be attending because it is ‘against their beliefs.’”
“I was somewhat taken aback,” Dolo tells Parents, “since we live in a fairly progressive area, and most people usually don’t express their objections to my face. While I do face criticism online, it’s not as common in our day-to-day interactions. Besides, I’ve always thought RSVPs were straightforward—either a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ I believe ‘no’ is a complete response, particularly when I’m not acquainted with you on a personal level.”
Dolo contemplated whether she should inquire further with the parent, but ultimately decided against it.
Although the text message Dolo received leaves room for interpretation, it’s not difficult to surmise that the parent may have taken issue with—shockingly—a boy opting for a Swift-themed celebration for his special day.
“I never delved into the parent’s reasons for asserting that this goes against their belief system,” Dolo explains. “[Some individuals suggested] that the family might be Jehovah’s Witnesses and don’t observe birthdays, which is a plausible assumption… However, I’m aware that the family does celebrate birthdays because I’ve casually discussed birthday venues with the mother previously.”
Dolo provides additional context (along with some fantastic birthday party inspiration) in a subsequent TikTok about the event. In that video, she acknowledges that there could be other factors at play, such as religious or political convictions, or simply a strong aversion to Swift.
While assumptions regarding the motives behind the other parent’s message remain speculative, this situation prompts a necessary conversation. Boys who admire Swift, Ariana Grande, Beyoncé, Disney Princesses, or Wonder Woman often encounter certain preconceptions—and Dolo’s perspective on this issue is incredibly insightful.
“Our son has always been drawn to aesthetically pleasing things, so we’re accustomed to people attributing gender norms to his clothing, interests, and toys,” she remarks in her TikTok. “I understand that Taylor Swift’s music is often associated with ‘girly pop.’ I just wonder if this notion works both ways: are young girls prohibited from enjoying music by male artists?”
She continues, “Because I’ve also noticed the peculiar notion that we discourage boys from admiring female figures or looking up to women… Whereas it’s socially acceptable for girls to idolize other girls or boys. However, boys are discouraged from looking up to girls. It’s as though we perceive it as a step down for them to admire women.”
Dolo’s observations hit the mark: While the term “tomboy” doesn’t carry negative connotations, boys who express interest in traditionally “feminine” activities or hobbies are often labeled with derogatory terms. It’s time to address this double standard—one that initially appears to favor girls but, upon closer examination, reveals deeper implications.
“I believe it stems from misogyny,” Dolo tells Parents. “Society tends to devalue women and their interests in comparison to men’s. That’s why it’s generally more acceptable for a girl to have a Harry Styles-themed birthday party or enjoy sports. Being ‘not like other girls’ is perceived as an improvement because society doesn’t value girls. We encourage boys to admire women superficially, but we’re hesitant about them looking up to them as role models.”
Dolo may be onto something significant—and it’s a perspective that warrants attention and change.
